Picture Perfect

Christmas. 

I love the holidays.  Hanging with family and friends.  Celebrating the most perfect gift of all.   A gift for the TAKING, no gift exchange needed.  Free of charge.  Life Changing perfect GIFT!  He has certainly changed our life, for the better.  I am still in awe.  

 

We hope your holiday season has been delightful, full of wonderful memories!   Here are a few of ours.

Milk and Cookies

This happened.  Today.  In my kitchen.  SO much has changed.  Last year we had nothing.  This year we have many.  MANY.   Including milk and cookies.

Be joyful always; pray continually, give thanks in all circumstance. 

For this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Coconut Milk :)

                              











 For those of you who don't have us on facebook, we also had fantastic news mid November.   Levi's iron levels are UP again.  Hemoglobin from 96 up to 110...... that is pretty much "normal".  Ferritin levels up from 2.5 to 4.  That's huge..... it means we finally have enough iron to start storing some!!    

10 000 Reasons for my heart to FIND....

I have sat to write this months post a few times.   Always finding that my heart and mind never came together to get it out right.   October has been a tough month.  An emotional one.  We have conquered some great feats, and experienced some pretty low, lows.  It has been a month that I have had to fight to not let the joy leave, taking my strength along with it.

We found out that one of Adam's closest friends was having some health issues.  We ended up loosing one of his closest buddies to a very quick and fierce battle with a rare brain tumor.  Adam Lachance or Chancy as we called him had a fantastic way of living life, making everyone around him feel important.  He was funny, sincere and a gentleman in its truest meaning.  He was one of my Adam's first friends that I met when we were dating......  there was probably a reason for that ;)  Thankfully my Adam had a chance to visit Adam in the hospital in the 2 short weeks that he was fighting the hardest.  It is a visit that is cherished.  The Wingham Boys have lost a very large part of them.  This has truly left my heart shattered.

FPIES in its medical meaning also gave a few sucker punches this month.  Levi had 2 mysterious reactions to "something".  We really aren't sure of the culprit, and cannot pinpoint it to any food.  Although they were really short lived, with him only suffering for about 45 mins, and getting "rid" of whatever it was with a few bouts of vomit.  They still can drop me to my knees in panic, moments I have to remind myself to breathe.  Admist these struggles we have had some pretty great moments.  We have conquered some major milestones.  We also have added chicken broth (which has been fed supplemental grain) and mango to Levi's ever growing menu.

 Levi is potty trained.  Our diaper days are nearly behind us!  And now for the biggest announcement,  the one I never knew when I would be able to write.  We are DONE with nursing.  That's right folks, you read it right.  This Diary Queen is closed, and although I thought it would be filled with this overwhelming excitement (believe me,  it IS there)  its just lurking in the background, I'm still fighting with the anxiety of the leaving the "safe" behind. 

Although there have been struggles and 911 calls (nothing serious, just Levi "looking" for Papa) this month, we have witnessed beauty, even if I had to really search it out some days.   So in this month of October, when we celebrate Thanksgiving,  and I look back at October 2012, I want it in hard copy the many reasons we have to be thankful.  It would be an endless task typing them all out, truly our hearts are overflowing.  FPIES really has taken on a new meaning for us.  It is a journey that I know God gifted me, although ridiculously hard, and there are many moments I mourn the loss of "normal".  It is journey that has softened my heart amidst the stress, taught me to search out the joy in hard.  Its a life I long for you all to experience and know. Gods love and grace.  His calm in the darkest storm.  Its a life that in........ "whatever may pass, and whatever lies before me.  Let me be singing when the evening comes"  (Matt Redman)

8 Months

Well the summer happened, and I went out to enjoy it.  It happened so quickly, in just a blink of an eye it is gone, with memories and longing for the next.

This summer we dedicated the boys, thank you to all who made the trip it was truly a great day for us.  Levi was in great form and cried, screamed and hit me a few times to be put down.   Who wants to held back from running, playing and exploring?  He grew up this summer.  He became a little boy.  We moved him into a big boy bed..... our crib days are over.  It's so strange, as I write this, tears come to my eyes.  Our baby is gone...... this is what I longed for, but now that its here, its weird.  He is THRIVING.  He no longer needs me to survive.  Although I am still nursing him, it won't be long now until I cut off the latch :P    His immune system is not crazy anymore.  He got the flu and roseola this summer.  I think our ND shed a few tears over that one.  She told me, we would see him get normal childhood viruses once we had some healing...... well we got it!!   We are becoming "normal" and its an amazing feeling.

And so I titled this 8 Months.  It has been only a few short 8 months that we have started the GAPS diet with Levi.  Trying to heal and seal his little gut.  I just went back and re read the beginning posts, and it is sometimes hard to remember how crazy his little body fought off food back then. We still have these 15 wonderful foods

1. broth (5 different ones)                                10. coconut oil
2. grass fed beef                                              11. egg yolk
3. fish (trout and salmon)                                12. banana
4. sauerkraut                                                    13. chayote squash
5. pumpkin                                                      14. honey
6. celery                                                           15. tea: yellow dock, nettle leaf, chamomile
7. cauliflower
8. zucchini
9. carrots

He is getting all of those foods in large amounts, not all of them everyday, but I no longer watch or care how much of these things he eats.  He can eat his heart out :)  I have even caught myself saying to a friend "This kid is driving me crazy always asking for food, and he has already ate so much this morning"  eek...... how quickly our attitude changes :/   We also have added in butternut squash, dill pickles, spinach, egg whites and coconut milk!!  Those are still in the beginning stages, meaning that he has had them 5 times each, but he still is getting them in limited amounts.  Getting normal sick this summer, slowed down what I introduced, how the fear so quickly invades when he gets sick.  It can consume me.

Also 8 months ago, he is gross motor skills were hugely lacking.  He fell all.the.time.   Banged into things, tripped etc.  This summer??  He now can climb up a slide at the playground.  I don't have to follow behind him on the playground equipment with fear of him tripping and falling.  He goes up and down everything all by himself.  His has gained freedom.  He also is talking.  Well, he lots to say, most uncomprehendable yet, but we have a list of words.   Mom, Dad, swing, Papa, which he short formed to Pop, yeah, zae another short form for the name Isaiah, hi, bye, woof.......  Fred has a new name.   He has gotten taller, a lot taller.  He can open doors now, his shorts no longer look like pants.  I have to buy him new shoes, as the ones now just fit.  I could go on.   It has been amazing to watch.

All of these things in a few short 8 months...... oh to speed ahead and see what he is doing in another 8.  Well okay,  maybe I'll just slow down and enjoy.  ENJOY.

“Our mouths were filled with laughter, our tongues with songs of joy. Then it was said among the nations, “The LORD has done great things for them. Psalm 126:2”

I tried to get the "same" picture.  But that shirt no longer fits him, and it has been passed on to goodwill, the pants I no longer have to roll.  He also doesn't like getting his picture taken..... so I MAY have bribed him with a banana!!

January 2012

September 2012

Results are in

Here I am, writing you.  Thanking you for coming along beside us.  Lifting us up in prayer.  I can taste joy.  Completely satisfied with life, because He is holding us.   Ann Voskamp wrote: "Sometimes letting go is how to find out He holds."  Firm.  That is how He holding us, and it feels great.   Our hemoglobin levels are UP.   In 4 months, from 79 to 96!  (they would like to see it at 100/110) No meds.  Only diet and prayer.  No talk of IV iron or transfusion.  SO much to be thankful for, so much to celebrate.  Our littlest dude is on his way.  Jesus is a healer, a healer of broken hearts, a healer of messy lives, a healer of sickness.  So let go, and see how He holds!!!

I become a doubter.....

almost always after I have an appointment in the *medical* field.  Levi is not a normal little dude, so he shouldn't have to fit in the norms.  Right?!  He is totally fantastic, and is eating a truck load now.  Don't get me wrong, they are always happy that he is doing well, and that he looks so good, but then they get out their little charts and graphs and *normal* what-cha-ma-have-its, and then well, we fail.  Bummer.   In my head I don't really care, cause I know better and he is the picture of health.  He is eating a stinkin roast beef BY HIMSELF in a week.  That doesn't even include all the rest of the veggies, and egg yolks.   But then the doctors, say things like "if his iron levels stay that low then he is going to have...... blah, blah, blah".   My heart hurts, and I start second guessing if what I am doing is really enough.  See what I mean..... a big ole doubter.  I really don't even have a right to be.  Because...... drum roll.......we did gain just over a pound and we grew an inch.  Good eh?  Actually great in my books.  From 10 months old to 24 months old (that's 14 months if you can't do math in your head like myself)  we grew nothing.  In 4 months we grew!  Awesome is what I say.  But awesome isn't on the *normal* what-cha-ma-have-its chart.  It still says he didn't grow enough, his line didn't move, so if his iron levels (we won't get back until Friday) aren't up, the whole IV iron thing gets put back up for discussion.  Dude.  I don't want that discussion.  So I'm getting back on my knees to the greatest physician, start thanking Him for our growth (cause it really is great) and going to start praying the hemoglobin levels are on the up and up.  If God can change water to wine, then I've got no reason to be a doubter.

Say Cheese

you probably thought I was going to tell you I gave that kid of mine some cheese.  HA!  Nope.  Why say cheese then?!?  Well I know some pretty great peeps.  One lovely family defeats autism everyday with lots of hard work, and oodles of love.  They also have set a family goal of raising 10 thousand dollars every year for Autism Speaks.  They have reached and exceeded that goal 4 times.  See what I mean by great?  This year Exquisite Exposure helped them out by taking pictures all day long.  We signed up, and we were not disappointed, she pretty much rocked the monkey, on one of the hottest days yet.  It was oodles of fun.   I may be a tad bias, but I think we're pretty cute. 

We are dedicating our boys in a lovely service at Rotary Park in Kincardine at 6 p.m on July 29.  From our little family to yours, we would love to have you come and celebrate with us all the amazing things God is doing for us.  We would love to thank you for your all your support and prayers.  I can not begin to tell you how you have held me up during some of my darkest days.  But those days are behind us.  I know we still may have our struggles, but I have never felt more at peace or had so much joy.  FPIES has given me lots to be thankful for.  

These are a few of my favorite things

Well, we've done it.  We have worked in coconut oil, egg yolk, banana, and chayote squash into our growing menu.  He has had each of them 3 times with hardly a symptom.  No cough, and very little eye goop came with this rotation.  A first for us.   Our mucous overload hardly made an appearance, another beautiful sign of God's healing mercies.  We are thrilled over here with our progress, remember January?  I asked you to pray BIG with me.  5 foods by March, when he turned 2.  We did it then with 5 broths and beef meat.  Since then BIGGER things have happened.  We slowly have a menu.  Here are a few of our Favorite things:

1. broth (5 different ones)                                10. coconut oil
2. grass fed beef                                              11. egg yolk
3. fish                                                               12. banana
4. sauerkraut                                                    13. chayote squash
5. pumpkin                                                       14. honey
6. celery                                                           15. tea: yellow dock, nettle leaf, chamomile
7. cauliflower
8. zucchini
9. carrots

A miraculous list of 15 items.  With God's help we defeated our list of 5, three times over!!!   I have 3 more items I want to add, before we just sit back and let him start eating larger portions of these items.   Lamb, onion, and dill pickles.  I'm planning to run through the last rotation this week once again, and then we'll start the 3 new foods early next week.

I'm going to ask you to join in prayer with me again.  On July 23, we have another GI appt.  Our iron levels have not been checked since our last appointment in March, when they were deemed transfusion worthy.  He also hadn't grown or gained any weight at that appointment which is a concern.  So this is what I am asking that you will join me in prayer from June 23 until July 23.  A month of prayer.  Prayer that Levi's iron levels will go up, that he will have gained weight, and have gotten a little taller.  I would love to walk out of that appointment with the doctors as pleased as we are with his  progress!

2 more of Levi's favorite things, Papa (his first word) and the cottage!

Oh WOW!!

This post is going to be a little scattered.  Basically because I'm practically jumping out of my seat with excitement.   Lets see if I can get it out, with it still making sense.  

Over the weekend,  we took the plunge and went in for the next rotation of coconut oil, egg yolk, and banana, then a friend found me some chayote squash, so we quickly added that in as well.    This rotation was freaking me out.  Mostly because I want coconut oil, and egg so badly, and also it feels like these are tougher foods to tackle (at least in my mind).  I seriously had to talk myself out of a panic attack on Saturday, before giving him the coconut oil, and then Adam ever so nicely reminded me, that really the worse thing that could happen is that he would get sick, but God would help us through it, so really what did we have to lose?  It's true, what did we have to loose?  God loves Levi more than I do, so with that knowledge we can rest in His hands.  And you know what?  NOTHING happened.  It was a teeny, tiny amount, but there was NOTHING!!  There was also nothing with egg yolk (which he LOVED) and with banana today.  2 hours (almost to the minute) after the squash he woke up in the middle of his nap screaming, and I was preparing myself for the worst, but I went down, rocked him back to sleep, and he woke up an hour later happy as can be.   But this my friends is only the beginning of my excitement, you see today after dinner Levi had his FIRST formed poop EVER in. his. life.  I'm so sorry that you have to read about poop.  But you see, this is HUGE.  It means his body is working!!  In the middle of my scariest rotation ever, God sends me a beautiful sign that He is healing his body.  His promise of healing is coming true, we are seeing the signs!!!  There may have been some tears tonight over poop.  Happy, joyful tears, and I'm cool with that!!

Also...... today Levi started saying "Oh wow".  Yes little buddy "OH WOW"!! 

Tomorrow I give him coconut oil a little braver.  Oh wow, what a day!

Choices

Last week, 2 people I know were taken from this earth far to quickly, way before their time.  One was a well love high school teacher who made everyone feel equal and truly cared about.  She was killed in a car accident leaving 3 children and a husband.  Another was my cousin's husband.  He died of a massive heart attack, with no known heart disease in the family.  He left 2 sons and a wife behind.  These families had their lives completely shaken last week, leaving all of us the never ending questions of "why?" Life certainly has a way of dealing us things far different from what we want or request.  I know that God will give you as much strength as you need to walk through these dark seasons.  BUT you have to allow Him to, you have to ask Him in.   Jesus answered "I am the way and the truth and the life.  No one comes to the Father except through me."  John 14:6   Life passes by so quickly.  People, ask Him in, cling to Him in the bad.  Praise Him always.  Live and Love fearlessly.  You can die fearlessly as well.

3 little people who give me great joy,

 ALSO:
Our next food rotation is coming up, we are keeping all 5 veggies!!  Next up are:
Egg yolk, Banana, Coconut Oil.    Not exactly when we'll start, sooner than later.  I'm still working on giving up my fear!

 

Slowly but surely

We are still trucking along in veggie land.  We still have all 5 veggies, and he is eating almost half an ice cube of puree each!  And while we have lost some sleep (waking every 45 mins or so for 4 days in row) the last 2 nights, we have fell back into our routine of every 2 hours, which I'm very thankful for.  I'm praying this continues,  his cough seems to be clearing up, he is still rattly in his chest, but it is loose and he can cough on command so we are coughing up the last of it I hope, or at least until we start something new! 

Anything good is worth fighting for, and God is beyond good.  I know that God has amazing things in-store for Levi so we will continue to fight! 

"I tell you, you can pray for anything, and if you believe that you've received it, it will be yours."
Mark 11:24


We are believing in full healing, and until we get there God's grace is enough!!

A smorgasbord of nettel tea, beef soup, and kraut

Loving his tea

REcalculating and a LIST

We've been out and about a lot lately.

We went and celebrated the life of my grandma last week.  If a funeral can be beautiful, this was the one.  My grandmother left a legacy of love and kindness.  Over and over we were told of how she touched peoples lives in love.   She lived 95 years and it was not an easy life by any means at all.   A diary of hers was found.  She ended many entries with a line from a hymn, or a bible verse, or something she was thankful for.  She choose to be thankful in everything, and love everyone, no matter the circumstance.   She was a wonderful woman, one I'm very proud to say was my Grandmother.  I want to be just like her when I grow up, and hopefully walking this journey of FPIES has got me started. 

And so back to FPIES we go.   We did nine days of pumpkin, and it was deemed a past.  We did however see some stuff.  Stuff that will surely make me seem or go crazy.   The stuff we saw, was a red cheek that looked like he was running a fever about 2 hours after he ate it.....  I would have taken it, if that was all we saw,  but around Day 6 he started waking up every 40 mins.  ALL NIGHT LONG.  sigh.  This happened 3 nights in a row, then I,  in my semi conscious brain,  decided (mostly because I forgot to thaw some out) to give pumpkin a day off.  Well if I  didn't get a 3 hour stretch of zzzzz's that night.  Dang Pumpkin..... couldn't just be an easy pass.   And so we quit pumpkin for a few days while I  tried to figure out our next move.  I didn't want to pull it completely, but I also didn't want to keep giving it to him IF these were the beginning signs that maybe his little body couldn't really tolerate it so many days in a row.   I don't blame his little gut,  I mean I get it.  WHO really wants to eat pumpkin every single day in a row (or any)?   But I keep telling Levi.  Beggars can not be choosers, and we be the beggars. Thus the recalculating began.   I went back to our rotation days.  NOW you may call me crazy.  5 veggies.  Yes peeps, you read that right.  5.   Here goes the list.  Pumpkin, celery, cauliflower, zucchini, and carrots.  We have done one bite of each of those in a row.  Then he got a runny nose and really mucous y cough, BUT so did Silas.  Sometimes I think God kinda lets someone else get cold symptoms before Levi does.  Cause you see.  I become a doubter when Levi gets sick.  He perfectly healthy before we give him food and most often (well kinda like ALWAYS) by Day 5 he is either sick or showing signs of becoming sick.   So I get scared and panicky and quit, falling back on MY safe, nursing.  But lets get real, I can't nurse the dude till he's 5 (or longer) eek.   Not gonna lie, even as unpleasant as that sounds, I am tempted to DO just that.  But that isn't what God has planned for us, so I will keep on, keeping on, and most often when we do that, we get over that hurdle, unnerving as it is, and find something great on the other side, like a list.  A list of things Levi can eat.  Even if it is one bite a day.  Cause that one bite builds to 2 then 3 and before you know it becomes  3 whole ice cube sized portions a day..... like we have with beef.  So today I would like to share our list of things that Levi is eating.

All of the below is given everyday with no concerns:

Broth: Beef, Pork, Fish, Buffalo, Deer

Grass Fed Beef meat (up to 3 ice cubes of puree in a day)

Sauerkraut, mostly the juice, but some tiny pieces of kraut as well.  (you may think this is bizarre, and that I may be a slightly silly mom giving him kraut juice,  but I would like you to know that Levi is obsessed with it.  It is by far his FAVORITE thing, and he begs for it.)

Tea:  Nettel with a touch of honey
         Yellow Dock

One full capsule of a pro biotic

Homeopathic remedies that are helping with heavy metal detox, and iron absorption


 Here is what we are just in the beginning stages of, but have seen no major reactions:

Peppermint tea with a touch of honey


Veggies: Pumpkin, celery, cauliflower, zucchini, carrot

Isn't this AWESOME?!?!  In January we had NOTHING!  Whoop!  God is forever faithful!!

I do ask for a prayer request though,
Levi is having a very hard time (he can't) swallow anything that is not in liquid form.  Could you please pray that this may be a concern that we can cross off our list soon!  

Grandma

All Heaven Stands today.

Today they welcome another one home.  My Grandma.  Today she is free from all pain, all sorrow, all heartache.  Today she rejoices.  She dances.  She sings with angels.  Her eyes get to feast on colors that we have never witnessed.  She gets to hug those who have gone before her.  A husband.  Siblings.  Friends.  She is meeting people like Adam and Eve.  Job.  Daniel.  Ruth, and Naomi.  What a glorious day!  But not only that she gets to do it again tomorrow and the day after.  She is in Heaven.  All Heaven stands today as Jesus gently cups her face in His hands and looks adoringly in her eyes and says "Welcome Home my daughter".  You have won the race Grandma.  You did it with beauty, and grace and forgiveness.  Welcome Home!!

Peter, Peter....

Pumpkin eater.  That's right folks, I think we did it.  Passed pumpkin.  Day 6 today, one bite everyday.   Yellow Dock tea is going down just as good.  Can I get a little happy dance?

“Our mouths were filled with laughter, our tongues with songs of joy. Then it was said among the nations, “The LORD has done great things for them. Psalm 126:2”

A year ago

today we were admitted into London's Children's Hospital.  It had been a LONG hard winter of much sickness and food fails.  Those were very dark days for me.  Days when tears streamed down my face constantly.  Days when I found it hard to breathe.  Having a kiddo with a illness you can't *fix* as mama is a heavy burden, those were days I certainly would not have made it through if I hadn't hung on to God for everything.   There were so many mixed emotions being in the hospital.  Relief because I had nurses and doctors watching Levi, making sure he was okay.  Guilt because I had just left my other 2 babes in a panic as Levi was vomiting blood on the kitchen floor,  leaving my parents to pick up the pieces of our day to day life with Maggs and Si.  I was tired, oh so tired.  Emotionally and physically.  Last year my life changed drastically.   When we got his diagnosis,  I started reading blogs on FPIES.  They were unnerving, but I was optimistic that we would be okay, we would start Levi on Neocate, an elemental formula.  A medical formula that was broken down to it's amino acids so that Levi's body wouldn't have to do it.  It has all the *nutrients* a person needs to live.  I would be able to stop nursing and start doing food trials.  Problem was Levi failed Neocate.  He didn't tolerate it at all, he started vomiting more, sleeping less (which was a problem considering he was maybe only sleeping 2 hours at a time) then he got pneumonia.  Not only that, he failed the antibiotics that they used to try and get rid of the pneumonia.   We realized then, Levi's FPIES was going to be a little more severe then originally "planned".  And I was mad.  Mad at God then, about why we just couldn't be like so many other FPIES kids that at least had a formula to live on.  I had wanted that formula to work SO bad.  Now I can truly and thankful say that Levi failing Neocate was one of our biggest blessings.  It is number one on my "blessings in hindsight" list.   Because he did, I had to begin my research for a natural way of feeding him.   FPIES has stretched me in more ways than one.  I now have a vocabulary filled with some medical jargon :p   I have learned so much about food, and how it can reek havoc in your body, or how it can become truly healing.   Ultimately though God is the only, perfect Healer.   It has taught me that God has a perfect plan for my life, it might not always be the way I want, but it is good.   He is watching over me, and He grants peace in the most unexpected places and times.  He is my strength when I am weak.  Today Levi is healthy.   He is eating broth, beef, a small amount of fish and tolerating many natural supplements that we are using to try and even out the way is body reacts and tolerates foods.   He is silly and naughty and definitely two.   Last year at this time this all seemed unattainable.  But here are.   Today we started yellow dock tea,  its an herb that is very rich in iron, and hopefully by the end of the week we'll have started a veggie too!  It's amazing where God can take you in a year!!

Seriously, he chooses his own shirts out, that's why he ALWAYS has this red train one on.  He throws a huge fit if I don't let him wear it.  I think maybe it is time to hide it.

Crazy

Someone said to me "Doctor's must just think you are amazing".   My answer.....  No, not really.  They just think I'm crazy.   Our GI appt came and went at the beginning of this month.  I like our GI.  He is nice guy, he doesn't think (or at least let on) that I am crazy.   He lets me do my thing.  Even agreeing that some of his patients with severe protein intolerances do every well with a natural path, and eating natural food, rather than *industrial* food (food from a grocery store).   But he is doctor, so he still is very scientific and still concerned with labs and numbers.   Levi's labs are always bad.  Not just bad, but really, really bad.   His last lab results for iron are "transfusion worthy" our nurse told me.  That one was hard to swallow.  It knocked the wind out of me.  I wanted to puke.  This is when I have a hard time trusting.  I want to do everything I can to protect this little dude of mine.   You see, we've tried a few iron supplements.   Levi doesn't handle them well.   They have talked IV iron, which means they will admit us into the hospital and course an iron supplement through his veins by passing his stomach, but he can still can react to that, I don't KNOW for sure that he will, but he very well could.  I know the small amount I have put into his mouth didn't agree with him at all.   My gut feeling is that he doesn't need that iron as much as the labs are saying.   I know how important iron is for the body and brain to function properly, but Levi shows NO outward signs of being anemic.  So getting that news was tough.  I panicked, I cried.  I prayed.... no I begged God to show me what I had to do.  Do we do the IV iron or not?   I wanted to give up....... we have worked so hard, only to be put back in the hospital for something that could set us back huge??  Or be good for us??    I wrote to some of my FPIE mamas.  Those mamas.  The ones who walk this walk with me everyday, the ones whose kids are going through a tougher things than we are..... they talked me through, they prayed with me.  For me.  Then the next morning this devotional came across my screen: 

Do Something
Posted: 08 Mar 2012 10:01 PM PST

“Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be filled. Matthew 5:6”

Healing begins when you do something.  God’s help is near and always available, but it’s given to those who seek it.  Healing starts when you take a step.  God honors radical, risk-taking faith.

When arks are built, lives are saved.  When soldiers march, Jerichos tumble.

When staffs are raised, seas still open.  When a lunch is shared, thousands are fed.

And when a garment is touched by the hand of an anemic woman in Galilee—Jesus stops!

He stops and responds.

Compared to God’s part, our part is minuscule—but necessary.  We don’t have to do much, but we do have to do something!  Faith with no effort is not faith at all!

Write a letter.  Ask forgiveness.

Call a counselor.  Call a mom!

Visit a doctor.  Be baptized.

Feed a hungry person.

Pray.  Teach.  Go.

God honors radical, risk-taking faith.  And He will respond.
(Max Lucado)

Words I swear were written just for me.  I was once again humbled by God's love for me, for His provision.  Our nurse also called back.  Our GI does not want to do IV iron, he thinks that if any kid would react to IV iron, Levi would be that kid.   But she asked me to please find a supplement for him.  So my hunt for something as natural as can be is on once again.  This is just another little push for me to "do something" push a little hard, because God is with us,  just a little up ahead.  Not always were I can see, but always there.

Two

 Tomorrow Levi turns 2.   Although these last 2 years have held some of the most hardest and scariest times for me, I have also witnessed many blessings and many times of peace.   We have prayed big and I am happy with all the progress we have made.   Levi is eating.  That is amazing!!  He is having 4 ice cubes of broth a day.  Sometimes I don't rotate any more and he eats the same broth for a couple days in a row.  He has 5 broths to choose from.  He eats beef in the form of puree,  tiny pieces of roast beef, meat balls, and liver.  He really doesn't like the texture of any of them, he prefers the most liquid form of anything.  But at least he has a preference :)   He also gets a bit of sauerkraut juice, and fish.   This year is going to be good.  I can feel it, and next year I'm praying for cake!

Fear

It has taken so much.  I can continue to let it take more or I can choose to believe.  Believe that God is going to heal Levi.  I know that to be true.  The healing bit.  Without a doubt in my mind.  I KNOW it, but I still have a hard time releasing myself to completely rest in it.  In my devotions this week, fear has been coming up a lot.  I am the first to admit,  I am very fearful when I feed Levi.  I make a conscious note of the time.  I watch the clock and when the 2 hour mark hits and he is still good, I breathe a little easier.  When the 3 hour mark hits its like a wave of relief flows though me.  "It is hard to walk where we can't see"  is what Max Lucado wrote.  (the dude who writes the devotion I read every morning)  He (Max) also pointed me to the bible story of Jairus in Mark 5.  Jairus' daughter was sick, on her death bed to be exact.  He left her side and went to Jesus with the belief that if he could just get Jesus to just come with him, and touch his daughter, she would be healed.  While Jesus and Jairus were walking to the house someone came and said his daughter had died.   Here is where the story gets good ...... Jesus paid NO attention to the news.   Wanna know why? Because He is the unseen.  He kept walking and went into the house and healed Jairus' daughter.  Jesus walks ahead of every persons "story".   When we can't see, and it's hard to just keep walking, because it so dark and unknown..... Jesus is just ahead, pleading for us to just believe.

 "Overhearing what they said, Jesus told him,  "Don't be afraid; only believe".  Mark 5:36

That verse is on my fridge.  I read it over and over again all day long.   I am choosing to believe.  I will still be cautious, and when he gets sick I will probably still doubt.  But I am going to start taking joy in feeding Levi.  Fear is no longer welcome.   Tonight Levi ate an entire ice cube of beef broth and pureed to liquid beef meat.  He is SO proud of that bowl.  He squeals with delight,  please do not even try to take that bowl away!!  

February Funk

That's where I am.  When I cry at the drop of a hat.   When I look around and all I see is a mess, but I'm too tired to do anything about it. When I'm just generally irritable with everyone, including, if not mostly  myself. When I wish chocolate was on the list of things that I could eat, cause I think I would bury  myself under the covers with a big bag full of it.  When life just feels tough, and you just have to remember to breathe, because really it's not all that bad.  It's just a funk, and soon I see the other side.  February and I ...... we're not the best of buddies. 
BUT,  February has also brought great movement in the in food department.   So I guess we'll stay on speaking terms.   Levi is still eating broth everyday, and most often it is more than one bite, sometimes 2 or 3.  And it has been good, really good.  Easy Peasy Lemon Squeezie as Miss Maggs likes to say.  He also has had 2 bites of beef puree on separate days as well as Fish.  Oh yes people, this is working.  Today was suppose to be a bite of pork puree, but yesterday I had ground beef for dinner.   One of things I can eat.  It was from a source that I have had many times, but not my usual source from my Amish peeps.   The last few times I have noticed that he gets a little coughy and gaggy after I eat it.  Again thinking that I'm just over thinking things, I ate it again last night for dinner.  Well within 2 feeds he had a pretty rough cough.  He went from being completely fine to very croupy in 4 hours.  We spent most of the night awake, steaming him in the bathroom, to going outside to help open his airways.  He has had many ginger baths and today he seems okay.  The cough is loose.  As always, better through the day, and worse in the evenings.  I have pumped and dumped, getting the *bad* stuff out.  He still is super sensitive.  I hope this goes away with time, as his body gets the nutrients it needs and his little gut gets stronger.  It still panics me.  I know we will make it through this journey, we are on that road.  I plan to make it out stronger and braver, becoming the person God always intended me to be, but there will always be detours and pot holes.

Ah choo

 A cold or detoxing out some of the bad bugs in his little gut?  I am still undecided.   He did sneeze a lot, but no cough came.  Saturday and Sunday he was very lethargic and completely stopped nursing all day.  Throughout the night he would nurse a little bit but would end up gagging.  Needless to say I was very happy when Monday came along and he started to nurse again. I will admit though, I had just started to pray that week that when it was time to start weaning him, that it would be an easy transition for him, somewhat self led.  I mean a 2 year who exclusively breast fed, it is going to be no easy task to get him to give it up.  Seriously though I was like "Are you kidding me God??  This is the time he's going to quit? I was kinda hoping maybe we'd have some food first!!"  I realized then how much I depend on my nursing.  How it's safe,  something always to fall back on, when really I should use Him as my safety net.  I do.  But in my terms.  Again this something I have to surrender,  God doesn't always send me the "safe", but He does promise to walk ahead of me, and that He will never leave me or forsake me.  And so even though I made Saturday a broth free day, because I thought maybe his little body needed a break,  Sunday I kept going,  just trying to get some fluid into him.  We have to push through some of this stuff,  leaving safe behind and because we did....  we have reached a new Day 5!!  Actually this is Day 6 of one bite of broth in a row.  We have no fever, and no goop!!  ECSTATIC!!  We are still noticing weird things like how off balance he is, that he is pale and dopey looking every once in a while.  He still is pretty whiny, wanting to be held a lot and he is waking up a lot in the night.  But nothing is getting worse, and some things are improving.  We will keep on walking on.  That being said, this mama is stepping up the game.   Tomorrow's menu is meat.  That right people,  I'm getting my brave on.   We give him his first bite of beef puree.   We will keep the same broth rotation,  adding a bite of meat, following our beginning routine of skipping a day, hopefully working our way up to everyday.   Thank you for your prayers, I depend on them.  They carry me through as I leave the safe behind.

Day 5

and the guessing game begins.  I was so hoping to come on here today and ask you do a little jump up and down for us, maybe even a high 5.  I still am hoping to write that post, but today is not the day.  Levi is feeling a little tough.  He is running a slight fever.  He doesn't want to nurse, and is gagging when he does.  He spent most of the night in our bed.   I don't know if it is from the broth everyday or not.  I've had to keep Miss Maggie home from school most of the week with a nasty cough.  She didn't have any other symptoms than a cough.  Levi has a slight cough, but it is mostly from the gagging.  The two could very well related, and hopefully his little body is just fighting off a virus.  Either way, he isn't feeling very hot so could you please say a little prayer for him?   Thanks.

Matthew 18:20  For where two or three gather together because they are mine, I am there among them.

Mama's Love

Buffalo broth is done.  It was a little tougher on his system then some of the others.  We noticed more hiccups.  He was a tad more fussy during the day and waking a lot in the night.  Nothing too serious, and maybe it was just a coincidence.  This means we are done with our *skip a day* routine.  That makes my heart anxious.  We now start with everyday.  5 days of one bite of just lamb broth in a row didn't work for us, so we are still planning on switching up the broths every day.  How I wish I could do this for him, or know the out come of it.  Know that we are making the right choices, or doing it the right way.  Are we preventing him from getting sick, or are we just slowing down the process of giving him food?  I wish there were instructions.   No tells you, or maybe no one can tell you how much your heart is going to change once you become a mom.  How intense the love is, or how protective it is.  How much it can hurt.  How it is painstakingly the most beautiful thing you can ever experience.   How in a split second your heart no longer belongs to just you.  It now has the forever job of wanting to make the world a better place for them, where they can experience life in all it's beauty.   My mom is one of my best friends.  I love her.  I still want to run to her with every joy, and every hurt.  A mama's love,  it NEVER ends.  God loves us more than that.  He loves us more perfectly than we could ever love.  He wants us to run to Him with every concern and hurt so that He can take it and make it His.  He wants to share in our joy.  He gives as all of those things so that He can mold us into something absolutely beautiful. Sometimes it's hard for me to feel that love, but I know that it is there for the taking,  it's there to transform me. It is fierce.  He loves us like a hurricane.

My mama, holding Levi in one of his favorite positions when his tummy was sore.

Go Fish

One of the broths I'd be okay with saying "Go Fish" too.  Seriously, that stuff stinks something nasty.  I am SO not a fish person.  I can't even stand a can of tuna being opened.  But beggars can't be choosers.  So 2 bites fish broth went in.  And all worked out.   I have fish frozen waiting for me to cook up.  Not really looking forward to that.   Fish is a power house food,  full of omega-3 fatty acids, which is amazing for your heart, but not only that.  Jesus fed 5000 men, plus women and children with 2 small fish, and 5 loaves of bread, He didn't run out,  IN FACT..... He had 12 baskets left over.  MIRACLE food.  So fishy, fishy..... hear I come.

We buckled up for this event


Buffalo Broth is up for tomorrow.

Croc a dilly

One Sunday at church Levi took a liking to shoes.  He was trying to pull them off of every bodies feet.  This mama was thrilled.  Easy entertainment which kept him quiet.  Trying to keep a then 17 month old somewhat quiet in church is no easy task.  Luckily our new little church had outdoor services all summer. Nursery is not an option for us.  Cheerios, bottles and sippy cups everywhere.  You get the picture.  It has DANGER written all over it,  like it should be roped off with bright yellow caution tape.  Anyways.  The next day we headed up to the Monday Market, as we like to call it, and the croc guy was there.  You know the one.   Little tent with oodles of colorful crocs littering the ground for 5 bucks.  That guy.  He hooked us up.  We put them on Levi's feet, and the rest is history.  He started walking.  Shoes are obviously meant for walking.  Levi loves shoes.  It would not be uncommon for you to come to our house with Levi greeting you at the door with either a pair of shoes on his feet, or one sock on.  He'd give you a pretty stinkin cute smile and then admire your feet, if by chance you lose a shoe,  I know your thief.

Oh right..... Levi ate 2 bites of beef broth.  It was good.  Fred on the other hand ate half a box of Q-tips and didn't fair out as well.  This mama has one big croc a dilly smile.  Fish broth is up for tomorrow.  It is Well with my Soul.

Ice Ice Baby

We have 2 days, and 2 bites of pork under our belt.  My heart didn't skip a beat.  Not even once.  He handled it like a champ.  Not sure if it is because it is a meat broth (easier to digest) or because that is one of the things I can eat.  It doesn't matter either way.... we are just leaping and jumping and praising God.  Just like the lame man in Acts, who stood up and walked after many years of sitting at the Temple Gates.  He was lame at birth, and a man when his miracle happened.  Check it out in Acts 3.  I believe in miracles, and we need one.   SO that got me to thinking.  On patience.  On waiting.   Doing those things and finding strength.  Okay.  If you know me, I'm not a patience person.  I like it done.....  yesterday.  If I think about it.....  I want it done now.  You get the picture.  That's me.   This patience thing I am going to have to work on it.   We are still going to plunk away at a bite every other day.  I will continue to watch which broths are easier on his little system.   Tomorrow is beef.... a bone broth.   So until Levi can enjoy a larger amount of food.  He will continue to eat ice.  He LOVES ice.  Really.  You should see how he claps his hands, and runs his funny little run to the freezer.  He got a snow cone machine for Christmas.   That, along with a toothbrush were by far his favorite gifts :)

Wait patiently for the Lord.  Be brave and courageous. Yes, wait patiently for the Lord. Psalm 27:14

 

 STRENGTH WILL RAISE 

It skips a beat

My heart.  All time stands still.  Everything stops.  Including my breath.  This feeling of panic invades my whole being as I stand and wait.   With every hiccup....... we've had lots (3 or 4 times a day), with the spit up after a feed.  With the screaming for over an hour before bed.   With the red rimmed dopey eyes that look me all tired and glassy after a nap.   Why do I let this happen?  Or why does this happen?  Is it just coincidence or am I looking for things??  He rarely, if ever does any of those things any more.  Questions fly through my head..... can 2 bites of broth do this?  Really?  Adam notices too.  It's not just me.   We are not stopping..... we will keep going.  Today was a *skip a day* tomorrow we do pork.   He has been running around and laughing today.  He has a bit of a runny nose, but he is happy. 
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6

Hot Soup for Lunch

Well not exactly soup.  Broth.  5 different ones.  Beef, Pork, Buffalo, Venison, Fish.  We start tomorrow.  1 teaspoon of each every other day.   I'm not fearing an FPIES reaction,  just for the mere fact that we have done this before.  Levi has ate those, minus the venison and pork...... so I'm a teeny bit nervous of those.  But the respiratory problems we get cause me great stress.   We have got pneumonia within 3 days of more than 2 oz in a day.    Actually if I allow it, it can paralyze me in fear.  It took me all I could to take an ice cube of broth out to start to thaw it.  I wish I could keep coming up with excuses as to why I shouldn't start right now.  But I can't and Levi has to eat.  So I am writing this blog entry so you can keep me accountable.  I have to lay down my fear at Jesus' feet.  Surrender it to Him.  With the knowledge that this is His battle and not mine, that I have to rest in His strength.   But I can't sit back and do nothing with that strength, I have to go forward in it.  What seems scary and impossible to me is His victory.  His alone.  Besides God loves the impossible.  So tomorrow I do that.  I give Levi one teaspoon of venison.  And then I will watch the clock.  And for goop.

  Good News
 There's really no such thing as impossible for you,

 because all things are possible with God.

There's no mountain too high,no valley too deep,
no trial too wide to stand in His way.
He's with you, for you,
working on your behalf today.
And many who care are praying with you
and standing beside you-
until we see the impossible come true.

With God all things are possible. Matthew 19:26

--Holley Gerth

Meet Fred

The Dog.  That's his full name.  We call him Fred for short.  My husband named him.  If you know my husband, you understand.  I'm crazy about that guy.  My husband..... not the dog.  He makes me laugh.  Hard.  Which is good, unless you've had a c-section, if which I've had 3.  The whole *hold a pillow over your stomach thing* doesn't work.....FYI.    Fred drives me crazy.  I'm not much of a dog lover.  I'm more of a dog put-er-upper.  Then there are CRUMBS.  They drive me even more crazy.  They are the bane of my existence.  Me and my broom... we've had more dates than my husband and I.  Because of  FPIES, Fred and I,  we're becoming buddies.  He is my crumb buster.  Not only has he *saved* Levi from a few accidental intakes of food, but they also say that having a pet is great way to boost your immune system!  The verdict is still out though on whether Fred makes my "beauty in hindsight" list.

 

One Thousand Gifts.

Ann Voskamp's book.  Have you read it?  Do it.  I can't even say that I've read it from cover to cover.... I'm bad like that.  I enjoy jumping around a book.... it could be due to the fact that I'm little scattered. But I have read most of it.   Right now on her blog she is having a "Joy Dare"  writing down 1000 things that you are thankful for in 2012.  I started my thankful book (she calls it a gratitude journal.... a little more fancy) last year.  I think I made it 200 things.  Then I quit.  I'm going to do it again this year.  3 things a day.  That's it.  I can do it... you can do it to.  It's life changing.  My heart could have easily been very bitter...... I wasn't good at seeing the good things.  I can be a negative Nelly.  (No offense to any Nelly's it was just an N name... could be Nancy, or Nora, whatever)  Here are few of mine.

*Bread makers..... borrowed and new
*laughter before bed
*cold sand between bare toes
*farm fresh eggs
*veggies from summer gardens
*someone else cleaning my house
*juicers and toaster ovens
*early morning snuggles
*Tuesday morning coffee with a friend

Then to my fellow FPIE mamas.  Ones who walked ahead of me.  CANichole, PANichole, Joy, Rebecca. Others I meet along the way Liz, Kristina, Dom, Lisa.   Your names will forever be etched in my book.  God lead me your way when I thought my world was falling apart, and FPIES was kicking my butt.  May our hearts always be soft with thanks, especially when the world throws so many things in our way, like toddlers screaming for cupcakes.  If I never get to meet you in our earthly home....... I'm looking for you on streets of gold.  I couldn't make it without you!!