Fear

It has taken so much.  I can continue to let it take more or I can choose to believe.  Believe that God is going to heal Levi.  I know that to be true.  The healing bit.  Without a doubt in my mind.  I KNOW it, but I still have a hard time releasing myself to completely rest in it.  In my devotions this week, fear has been coming up a lot.  I am the first to admit,  I am very fearful when I feed Levi.  I make a conscious note of the time.  I watch the clock and when the 2 hour mark hits and he is still good, I breathe a little easier.  When the 3 hour mark hits its like a wave of relief flows though me.  "It is hard to walk where we can't see"  is what Max Lucado wrote.  (the dude who writes the devotion I read every morning)  He (Max) also pointed me to the bible story of Jairus in Mark 5.  Jairus' daughter was sick, on her death bed to be exact.  He left her side and went to Jesus with the belief that if he could just get Jesus to just come with him, and touch his daughter, she would be healed.  While Jesus and Jairus were walking to the house someone came and said his daughter had died.   Here is where the story gets good ...... Jesus paid NO attention to the news.   Wanna know why? Because He is the unseen.  He kept walking and went into the house and healed Jairus' daughter.  Jesus walks ahead of every persons "story".   When we can't see, and it's hard to just keep walking, because it so dark and unknown..... Jesus is just ahead, pleading for us to just believe.

 "Overhearing what they said, Jesus told him,  "Don't be afraid; only believe".  Mark 5:36

That verse is on my fridge.  I read it over and over again all day long.   I am choosing to believe.  I will still be cautious, and when he gets sick I will probably still doubt.  But I am going to start taking joy in feeding Levi.  Fear is no longer welcome.   Tonight Levi ate an entire ice cube of beef broth and pureed to liquid beef meat.  He is SO proud of that bowl.  He squeals with delight,  please do not even try to take that bowl away!!