Mama's Love

Buffalo broth is done.  It was a little tougher on his system then some of the others.  We noticed more hiccups.  He was a tad more fussy during the day and waking a lot in the night.  Nothing too serious, and maybe it was just a coincidence.  This means we are done with our *skip a day* routine.  That makes my heart anxious.  We now start with everyday.  5 days of one bite of just lamb broth in a row didn't work for us, so we are still planning on switching up the broths every day.  How I wish I could do this for him, or know the out come of it.  Know that we are making the right choices, or doing it the right way.  Are we preventing him from getting sick, or are we just slowing down the process of giving him food?  I wish there were instructions.   No tells you, or maybe no one can tell you how much your heart is going to change once you become a mom.  How intense the love is, or how protective it is.  How much it can hurt.  How it is painstakingly the most beautiful thing you can ever experience.   How in a split second your heart no longer belongs to just you.  It now has the forever job of wanting to make the world a better place for them, where they can experience life in all it's beauty.   My mom is one of my best friends.  I love her.  I still want to run to her with every joy, and every hurt.  A mama's love,  it NEVER ends.  God loves us more than that.  He loves us more perfectly than we could ever love.  He wants us to run to Him with every concern and hurt so that He can take it and make it His.  He wants to share in our joy.  He gives as all of those things so that He can mold us into something absolutely beautiful. Sometimes it's hard for me to feel that love, but I know that it is there for the taking,  it's there to transform me. It is fierce.  He loves us like a hurricane.

My mama, holding Levi in one of his favorite positions when his tummy was sore.

Go Fish

One of the broths I'd be okay with saying "Go Fish" too.  Seriously, that stuff stinks something nasty.  I am SO not a fish person.  I can't even stand a can of tuna being opened.  But beggars can't be choosers.  So 2 bites fish broth went in.  And all worked out.   I have fish frozen waiting for me to cook up.  Not really looking forward to that.   Fish is a power house food,  full of omega-3 fatty acids, which is amazing for your heart, but not only that.  Jesus fed 5000 men, plus women and children with 2 small fish, and 5 loaves of bread, He didn't run out,  IN FACT..... He had 12 baskets left over.  MIRACLE food.  So fishy, fishy..... hear I come.

We buckled up for this event


Buffalo Broth is up for tomorrow.

Croc a dilly

One Sunday at church Levi took a liking to shoes.  He was trying to pull them off of every bodies feet.  This mama was thrilled.  Easy entertainment which kept him quiet.  Trying to keep a then 17 month old somewhat quiet in church is no easy task.  Luckily our new little church had outdoor services all summer. Nursery is not an option for us.  Cheerios, bottles and sippy cups everywhere.  You get the picture.  It has DANGER written all over it,  like it should be roped off with bright yellow caution tape.  Anyways.  The next day we headed up to the Monday Market, as we like to call it, and the croc guy was there.  You know the one.   Little tent with oodles of colorful crocs littering the ground for 5 bucks.  That guy.  He hooked us up.  We put them on Levi's feet, and the rest is history.  He started walking.  Shoes are obviously meant for walking.  Levi loves shoes.  It would not be uncommon for you to come to our house with Levi greeting you at the door with either a pair of shoes on his feet, or one sock on.  He'd give you a pretty stinkin cute smile and then admire your feet, if by chance you lose a shoe,  I know your thief.

Oh right..... Levi ate 2 bites of beef broth.  It was good.  Fred on the other hand ate half a box of Q-tips and didn't fair out as well.  This mama has one big croc a dilly smile.  Fish broth is up for tomorrow.  It is Well with my Soul.

Ice Ice Baby

We have 2 days, and 2 bites of pork under our belt.  My heart didn't skip a beat.  Not even once.  He handled it like a champ.  Not sure if it is because it is a meat broth (easier to digest) or because that is one of the things I can eat.  It doesn't matter either way.... we are just leaping and jumping and praising God.  Just like the lame man in Acts, who stood up and walked after many years of sitting at the Temple Gates.  He was lame at birth, and a man when his miracle happened.  Check it out in Acts 3.  I believe in miracles, and we need one.   SO that got me to thinking.  On patience.  On waiting.   Doing those things and finding strength.  Okay.  If you know me, I'm not a patience person.  I like it done.....  yesterday.  If I think about it.....  I want it done now.  You get the picture.  That's me.   This patience thing I am going to have to work on it.   We are still going to plunk away at a bite every other day.  I will continue to watch which broths are easier on his little system.   Tomorrow is beef.... a bone broth.   So until Levi can enjoy a larger amount of food.  He will continue to eat ice.  He LOVES ice.  Really.  You should see how he claps his hands, and runs his funny little run to the freezer.  He got a snow cone machine for Christmas.   That, along with a toothbrush were by far his favorite gifts :)

Wait patiently for the Lord.  Be brave and courageous. Yes, wait patiently for the Lord. Psalm 27:14

 

 STRENGTH WILL RAISE 

It skips a beat

My heart.  All time stands still.  Everything stops.  Including my breath.  This feeling of panic invades my whole being as I stand and wait.   With every hiccup....... we've had lots (3 or 4 times a day), with the spit up after a feed.  With the screaming for over an hour before bed.   With the red rimmed dopey eyes that look me all tired and glassy after a nap.   Why do I let this happen?  Or why does this happen?  Is it just coincidence or am I looking for things??  He rarely, if ever does any of those things any more.  Questions fly through my head..... can 2 bites of broth do this?  Really?  Adam notices too.  It's not just me.   We are not stopping..... we will keep going.  Today was a *skip a day* tomorrow we do pork.   He has been running around and laughing today.  He has a bit of a runny nose, but he is happy. 
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6

Hot Soup for Lunch

Well not exactly soup.  Broth.  5 different ones.  Beef, Pork, Buffalo, Venison, Fish.  We start tomorrow.  1 teaspoon of each every other day.   I'm not fearing an FPIES reaction,  just for the mere fact that we have done this before.  Levi has ate those, minus the venison and pork...... so I'm a teeny bit nervous of those.  But the respiratory problems we get cause me great stress.   We have got pneumonia within 3 days of more than 2 oz in a day.    Actually if I allow it, it can paralyze me in fear.  It took me all I could to take an ice cube of broth out to start to thaw it.  I wish I could keep coming up with excuses as to why I shouldn't start right now.  But I can't and Levi has to eat.  So I am writing this blog entry so you can keep me accountable.  I have to lay down my fear at Jesus' feet.  Surrender it to Him.  With the knowledge that this is His battle and not mine, that I have to rest in His strength.   But I can't sit back and do nothing with that strength, I have to go forward in it.  What seems scary and impossible to me is His victory.  His alone.  Besides God loves the impossible.  So tomorrow I do that.  I give Levi one teaspoon of venison.  And then I will watch the clock.  And for goop.

  Good News
 There's really no such thing as impossible for you,

 because all things are possible with God.

There's no mountain too high,no valley too deep,
no trial too wide to stand in His way.
He's with you, for you,
working on your behalf today.
And many who care are praying with you
and standing beside you-
until we see the impossible come true.

With God all things are possible. Matthew 19:26

--Holley Gerth

Meet Fred

The Dog.  That's his full name.  We call him Fred for short.  My husband named him.  If you know my husband, you understand.  I'm crazy about that guy.  My husband..... not the dog.  He makes me laugh.  Hard.  Which is good, unless you've had a c-section, if which I've had 3.  The whole *hold a pillow over your stomach thing* doesn't work.....FYI.    Fred drives me crazy.  I'm not much of a dog lover.  I'm more of a dog put-er-upper.  Then there are CRUMBS.  They drive me even more crazy.  They are the bane of my existence.  Me and my broom... we've had more dates than my husband and I.  Because of  FPIES, Fred and I,  we're becoming buddies.  He is my crumb buster.  Not only has he *saved* Levi from a few accidental intakes of food, but they also say that having a pet is great way to boost your immune system!  The verdict is still out though on whether Fred makes my "beauty in hindsight" list.

 

One Thousand Gifts.

Ann Voskamp's book.  Have you read it?  Do it.  I can't even say that I've read it from cover to cover.... I'm bad like that.  I enjoy jumping around a book.... it could be due to the fact that I'm little scattered. But I have read most of it.   Right now on her blog she is having a "Joy Dare"  writing down 1000 things that you are thankful for in 2012.  I started my thankful book (she calls it a gratitude journal.... a little more fancy) last year.  I think I made it 200 things.  Then I quit.  I'm going to do it again this year.  3 things a day.  That's it.  I can do it... you can do it to.  It's life changing.  My heart could have easily been very bitter...... I wasn't good at seeing the good things.  I can be a negative Nelly.  (No offense to any Nelly's it was just an N name... could be Nancy, or Nora, whatever)  Here are few of mine.

*Bread makers..... borrowed and new
*laughter before bed
*cold sand between bare toes
*farm fresh eggs
*veggies from summer gardens
*someone else cleaning my house
*juicers and toaster ovens
*early morning snuggles
*Tuesday morning coffee with a friend

Then to my fellow FPIE mamas.  Ones who walked ahead of me.  CANichole, PANichole, Joy, Rebecca. Others I meet along the way Liz, Kristina, Dom, Lisa.   Your names will forever be etched in my book.  God lead me your way when I thought my world was falling apart, and FPIES was kicking my butt.  May our hearts always be soft with thanks, especially when the world throws so many things in our way, like toddlers screaming for cupcakes.  If I never get to meet you in our earthly home....... I'm looking for you on streets of gold.  I couldn't make it without you!!

I can do all things...

Through Christ who strengthens me.  Philippians 4:13   Quotes about strength fly around the Internet all the time.   These are 2 of my favorites.    "Anyone can give up, its the easiest thing to do.  But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that's true strength."  and "You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have."  But in all honesty I falter a lot.  I panic a lot.  I cry a lot.  I never feel strong.  I have to rely on God to be my strength, and sometimes that is even hard.  He has to be my true strength, and when I'm questioning Him and where is HE??  An expected status update from a friend on facebook, or a Bible verse pops up.  I've even been surprised with a friend showing up at my door and dropping off a gift.  RIGHT when I need it...... He comes to me, right where I am.  AMAZING.    "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord.  "They are plans for good and not disaster, to give you a future and a hope. In those days when you pray,  I will listen.  If you look for me in earnest, you will find me when you seek me." Jeremiah 29: 11-13  What a promise.  I also read somewhere that your kids are like sand paper. God uses them to rub off your rough edges.  Oh how very true.   I'm hoping to write down this journey..... the journey that God has given to me, because He thinks I'm strong enough to walk it.... even if I don't like it, or want it.  So that I can look back and see Him and be thankful for the good moments and realize that even in the bad moments that He still had his eye on me.  There is beauty in hindsight.   I have witnessed it.  So join me if you'd like, I don't promise to write a lot, or every day.  But you are are welcome to come along for the ride, as I try to "Find Peace In Every Situation".

Overdrive

GAPS is how we hope to begin to feed Levi. Using real food to heal
his damaged little gut. All organic, all grass fed, nothing

We're so done with fake, bring on the real stuff

processed, all homemade, starting with broth made from marrow bones.
Did ya know you could do that?? My most amazing culinary skills were a
little stumped at that. Then we'll add a little bit of meat that
belonged to those bones. Then on to boiled non-starchy veggies.
Then on to.... well lets not get too excited. This means my sleep
deprived brain will go back into constant OVERDRIVE.  Broth... which
one to start, how much to give, how many to add to the rotation so we
can keep his body guessing on what proteins it is getting so it can't
reject them. Wait... is that goop coming out of his eyes again?
Should I pull the food trial or push through?? What, you ask?? Goop,
how does that fit into the equation? Strange you may think, but
that's the thing, his body does WEIRD things when it comes to food.
We witness him not begin able to stand still, he topples like he's
drunk, falls over A LOT. He also has eerie manic behavior, I can't
explain it. It's over the top hyper and he makes high pitched
squealing noises. He also has spent hours screaming in *crawling out
of your skin* pain from ME eating something. So you see there is a
lot to consider, and lots to watch for when feeding Levi. We were
planning to start with a rotation of 5 broths right after Christmas,
but it seems we all have been fighting off sinus colds, and coughs, so
I'm holding off till it clears up, so I can decipher if I should keep
pushing through a food trial or pull. If I push too hard, he ends up
really sick, there is a lot of mama guilt that comes with that.
Warning. Don't talk to me after pulling a food, I'm a blubbering mess.

2012. Beginnings.

As we begin this new year and this new blog, I'm praying for wisdom on

how, what, when and how much to begin with. New year's Resolutions??
That's SO 2010. (pre-Levi) Now I just think food.

We've got to get a menu for our little dude. As I start this blog
Levi is still exclusively breast fed. At almost 22 months old. Every
2 hours, day and night. My diet is limited. I can count on my
fingers the number of different foods I can eat. I don't get to 10.
I'm not complaining, I actually find it quite miraculous that we do
as well as we do. My diet is really not that healthy, and Levi is
growing and gaining weight quite nicely. We have baffled our GI
doctor with the weight gain...... last April we were told we had
reached our failure to thrive point. Meaning that Levi would stop
gaining or growing if we didn't feed him food. Well 5 months later we
gained 2 pounds, and now almost 9 months later we are almost at 5 all
together. Nothing short of a miracle. I may be biased but not only

Move over Beiber.

is he gaining weight, but he is beautiful, reaching milestones, and
not sick, and did I mention reaching milestones?!?! When we got our
diagnosis last December at 9.5 months old, he was barely rolling and
not very vocal. He sat there like a bump on the log. A cute bump,
but a bump no less. This Christmas although not talking, he is really
trying, and his *sounds* definitely sound like words to our trained
ears. He also is a dancing machine. That being said, this Dairy Queen
would like to close up shop sometime this year, so that I to can 
add some healthier menu options. So we begin this year with dreams,
hope and prayer. I'm praying BIG. 5 foods by the time he is TWO.
That is 2 months away......