February Funk

That's where I am.  When I cry at the drop of a hat.   When I look around and all I see is a mess, but I'm too tired to do anything about it. When I'm just generally irritable with everyone, including, if not mostly  myself. When I wish chocolate was on the list of things that I could eat, cause I think I would bury  myself under the covers with a big bag full of it.  When life just feels tough, and you just have to remember to breathe, because really it's not all that bad.  It's just a funk, and soon I see the other side.  February and I ...... we're not the best of buddies. 
BUT,  February has also brought great movement in the in food department.   So I guess we'll stay on speaking terms.   Levi is still eating broth everyday, and most often it is more than one bite, sometimes 2 or 3.  And it has been good, really good.  Easy Peasy Lemon Squeezie as Miss Maggs likes to say.  He also has had 2 bites of beef puree on separate days as well as Fish.  Oh yes people, this is working.  Today was suppose to be a bite of pork puree, but yesterday I had ground beef for dinner.   One of things I can eat.  It was from a source that I have had many times, but not my usual source from my Amish peeps.   The last few times I have noticed that he gets a little coughy and gaggy after I eat it.  Again thinking that I'm just over thinking things, I ate it again last night for dinner.  Well within 2 feeds he had a pretty rough cough.  He went from being completely fine to very croupy in 4 hours.  We spent most of the night awake, steaming him in the bathroom, to going outside to help open his airways.  He has had many ginger baths and today he seems okay.  The cough is loose.  As always, better through the day, and worse in the evenings.  I have pumped and dumped, getting the *bad* stuff out.  He still is super sensitive.  I hope this goes away with time, as his body gets the nutrients it needs and his little gut gets stronger.  It still panics me.  I know we will make it through this journey, we are on that road.  I plan to make it out stronger and braver, becoming the person God always intended me to be, but there will always be detours and pot holes.

Ah choo

 A cold or detoxing out some of the bad bugs in his little gut?  I am still undecided.   He did sneeze a lot, but no cough came.  Saturday and Sunday he was very lethargic and completely stopped nursing all day.  Throughout the night he would nurse a little bit but would end up gagging.  Needless to say I was very happy when Monday came along and he started to nurse again. I will admit though, I had just started to pray that week that when it was time to start weaning him, that it would be an easy transition for him, somewhat self led.  I mean a 2 year who exclusively breast fed, it is going to be no easy task to get him to give it up.  Seriously though I was like "Are you kidding me God??  This is the time he's going to quit? I was kinda hoping maybe we'd have some food first!!"  I realized then how much I depend on my nursing.  How it's safe,  something always to fall back on, when really I should use Him as my safety net.  I do.  But in my terms.  Again this something I have to surrender,  God doesn't always send me the "safe", but He does promise to walk ahead of me, and that He will never leave me or forsake me.  And so even though I made Saturday a broth free day, because I thought maybe his little body needed a break,  Sunday I kept going,  just trying to get some fluid into him.  We have to push through some of this stuff,  leaving safe behind and because we did....  we have reached a new Day 5!!  Actually this is Day 6 of one bite of broth in a row.  We have no fever, and no goop!!  ECSTATIC!!  We are still noticing weird things like how off balance he is, that he is pale and dopey looking every once in a while.  He still is pretty whiny, wanting to be held a lot and he is waking up a lot in the night.  But nothing is getting worse, and some things are improving.  We will keep on walking on.  That being said, this mama is stepping up the game.   Tomorrow's menu is meat.  That right people,  I'm getting my brave on.   We give him his first bite of beef puree.   We will keep the same broth rotation,  adding a bite of meat, following our beginning routine of skipping a day, hopefully working our way up to everyday.   Thank you for your prayers, I depend on them.  They carry me through as I leave the safe behind.

Day 5

and the guessing game begins.  I was so hoping to come on here today and ask you do a little jump up and down for us, maybe even a high 5.  I still am hoping to write that post, but today is not the day.  Levi is feeling a little tough.  He is running a slight fever.  He doesn't want to nurse, and is gagging when he does.  He spent most of the night in our bed.   I don't know if it is from the broth everyday or not.  I've had to keep Miss Maggie home from school most of the week with a nasty cough.  She didn't have any other symptoms than a cough.  Levi has a slight cough, but it is mostly from the gagging.  The two could very well related, and hopefully his little body is just fighting off a virus.  Either way, he isn't feeling very hot so could you please say a little prayer for him?   Thanks.

Matthew 18:20  For where two or three gather together because they are mine, I am there among them.