The Bible. I will honestly tell you that. I read it like it was past tense. Stories of old. Stories. Also of promises. Like promises that were yet to come, once we were back with Jesus. Promises of Heaven... when pain, and sickness would be no more. Once I got there. Heaven. Once I was back with Jesus. But that is not true. Once I gained that KNOWLEDGE our lives changed. This post is me, trying to explain what exactly has happened over the past 3 months. It was not magic. It was purely Jesus. And His word. HEARING it. Believing it, not just in it.
The Bible is God's word. It is TRUTH. It never changes. It is still the same. Just like Jesus. Hebrews 13:8 Jesus Christ IS the same yesterday, today, and forever. There it is folks. NEVER CHANGING. Jesus and His word. Knowledge. John 8:32 And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free. This has been life changing for me. Weird you may think, since I have grown up in church. April 18, 2013. We took that knowledge, and then stepped out in faith. We read the Book of Mark out loud (because HEARING the word is different than just reading it) over and over. Reading on how Jesus healed ALL. Not some, but ALL. How you have to walk in faith.... and faith is hard, because sometimes you don't see it or feel it. Pastor Greg taught us so much over skype, and then again when he stayed with us for 2 weeks. He started reading the Bible to us. Yes folks, that is it. He read us the Bible in a way that I have NEVER read it before. Romans 10:17 So then Faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the word of God. He taught me that what is in the Bible is what I am suppose to be doing. Now, today, because it does not change. That is all.
I urge you to pick up that book. The book that has never come off of the best sellers list. I urge you to read it with new eyes. So that you can see the life HE has meant for you. How He calls and says your name and how your name, it lingers on His tongue. As if you are the only thing that matters in that moment. Its Breathtaking. I wish you could witness how He looks at you, and sees you. Zephaniah 3:17 The Lord your God in your midst, The Mighty One, will save; He will rejoice over you with gladness, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing. Yes. That. That is what He does. It makes my heart pound fast, and my breath slow, and tears spring to my eyes. HE. The MIGHTY one. LOVES me.... YOU like that. One that is weak, and scared, and sinful by nature. Sometimes I have no words to explain to you all what we have experienced in the last few months. So I stay quiet, so I don't scare you off, or ruin it with my words that are so small. I know I have said it before, but I have to say it again...... Jesus' name is Holy. It is powerful.
Esphesians 3: 20-21 Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work WITHIN US, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout ALL generations, forever and ever! Amen.
Just do life the Bible way, it is full of "SHALL, and already" never
"maybe and pleading". Praying and believing works. Praying and a hoping doesn't.
Pastor Greg and Levi eating Oatmeal...... one of Levi's biggest shock foods.
Ice Cream!!
If
you have joined us on this journey, and have read our story. It is not
a mistake. It is a fine detail in your story, that God has planned for you.
Know that.
I know I wrote "FPIES over and out" back in January. It was kind of a way of letting myself out of blogging, as it isn't something I truly enjoy. I also wrote it because it was true. Sort of. Back in January I knew we would never see another FPIES reaction that would land us in the ER again. I didn't fear another hospital visit, or another shock reaction ever. But we still saw "stuff". The mucous stuff, that gave us a horrible cough. The waking up a lot in the night stuff. The really loose diaper stuff. You know the stuff that people would think you were crazy to mention. The stuff that every FPIES mama completely understands. The fear of pushing through the stuff and making it worse.... cause it can get worse, and really quickly, and then all the work you just poured into those months seemed to be washed away and you would have to start all over again. That stuff. The stuff that makes you feel kind of crazy. Truth be told. Even with how far we had come in a year, I still wasn't brave. Food still consumed me. I would never take Levi to a play group, because it would break my heart that he couldn't eat whatever every other little kid was eating. Especially when he would look at me with those eyes and say "Me?" and I would gently say, not today, some day when your tummy is all better...... deep down thinking I'm not sure you'll ever be able to eat those things. Truth be told, FPIES was still very much of our everyday life.
Truth be told, I took more food to Florida, then I took clothes, because I could buy clothes easier than I could buy food. I also took, his frying pan, his frying pan flipper, and his vitamix (a really expensive blender). Levi had all of his own kitchen utensils. I cooked for 3 weeks non stop, before we left so that we had enough, of "Levi's food". All of his "cookies, muffins, and pancakes" were made from the same ingredients. We just called them different things, so it felt like he could eat some of the same things we were eating. We travelled with doctors notes.
Truth be told I was still very happy with were we were. It felt awesome. We felt normal. We went on a family holiday out of the country!!! Away from all of our doctors that knew us. Because Levi was healthy!! It was joy. Pure joy. I was a little nervous, had to talk myself out of a few minor panic attacks, and he was awesome. It was fun. And did I mention joy?!?!?
I now imagine God was smiling in heaven, and saying "Jocelyn, if you think this is joy, then you haven't seen ANYTHING yet." I also imagined He laughed, and maybe even a lot. When I came home from Florida, I got some really crazy emails. Little babies who were just starting the GAPS diet, because they too were as sick as Levi. Some still only eating one or two things. They were HEALED. Supernaturally healed. Miracle healed. Now before you quit reading, please stick around. I wasn't really into "healers". Honestly I still don't understand everything about healing. I was very skeptical. I did know one thing...... I knew that even if I had a "healer" pray for Levi, I would NEVER be brave enough to just start feeding him. EVER. That honestly blew me out of the water. I was in AWE of those mamas. I dropped them a few notes, and asked them just that. They asked me to connect with Pastor G. I still wasn't so sure, so I asked them to pray for me. They gave Pastor G my email address. What happened next has changed our lives. Our faith has been blown out of the water. Pastor G wrote me a note that asked me to read the book of Mark and to pray for a "child like faith". To pray Mark 9:24 "I do believe, but help me not to doubt". Because I had a lot of it. Doubt. and Fear. I still can struggle with them. He asked us to fast and pray. So we did that. It was a very emotional few days for me. I was exhausted. I was nervous. I didn't want to tell anyone, for fear that they would think I was crazy. Maybe I am. All I know is that I am crazy happy. We talked with Pastor G. (He is really nice, and normal!!) We studied the word together. The Bible has become more real to me than it ever has before. A love letter written just for me. And you. Filled with promises that He never breaks. Every ugly thing that God changes to beautiful, He is the only one able to do just that. Take something that is ugly, painful, and turn it into something breathtaking.
Levi is healed. No joke. In the last week we have offered him one thing after another. Peanut Butter. Strawberry Jam. Almond flour Chocolate Chip cookies. Bacon..... from a farm I DIDN'T source!!! Yogurt. Butter. Cheese. Goat Milk. Watermelon. Strawberries. MANY other things. Oh yeah and APPLES, Apple Sauce..... remember them? Hospital stay. 5 days. Homemade Oatmeal Muffins?!?! Oats had us in the ER and then rushed to another hospital. Rice. Another ER trip. ALL OF THOSE THINGS He is eating. Everyday. I could also tell you how he has given up napping in the day, his energy has increased. His laughter is often. When we ask him who healed his belly he answers with "Amen". He knows. He knew before we even prayed with Pastor G. He would bring me food, and point to his belly and say "Ya....Me". God is real. He loves you. No... adores you. He wants all of those "chains that weigh you down" and He wants to break them. He wants you to live in His FREEDOM. Glorious Freedom. He already looks at you as perfect and whole. He already paid the price for everything on that Beautiful Scandalous Night. "He was wounded for our rebellious acts. He was crushed for our sins. He was punished so that we could have peace, and we received healing from his wounds. Isaiah 53:5
Truth be told. I am still in awe, maybe I always will be. We have been blessed with a huge MIRACLE. I still can be swamped with doubt, but it is leaving everyday. Jesus' name is Holy. It is powerful. It is a name I love.
"Woman", Jesus said to her, "your faith is great. Your request is granted." And her daughter was instantly healed. Matthew 16:28
Give Thanks to the Lord, for He is good! His faithful love endures forever. Psalm 118:29
This is it, we made it. We made it till 3. 3 years old was when, doctors told me you would "outgrow FPIES" back in the days when you were so very sick. Without Jesus my dear one, we wouldn't have made it out....... better. I also don't believe we would have "just outgrown" it either. But here we are at our magic year. How for the last 3 years I have longed for this year. How I wished many of your baby days away, praying for 3 to come fast, so we could "begin" our life. Little did I know that life, in its true beauty had already begun. What I didn't realize is all the things that I would gain in these past 3 years. Like how I know, Miracles happen every day. I have witnessed more in the last 3 years than my 32 before. Or maybe my eyes have just been more open to them, as I have walked closer with God in the last 3 years then my 32 before as well. For that I can never thank you...... words will never be enough. My soul has changed, it is more thankful. You have taught me thankfulness. To search it out and because of that, I can taste joy. That my son is what you have given me, joy. I am blessed to be your mom. If I had to do it all over again, I would. One thing I want you to carry all the rest of your days is "We can do ALL things through Christ who gives us strength". 3 cheers to strength, and the beauty that comes with it. Happy Birthday Sweet boy of mine. Now lets go eat a cupcake!!
I have read through some of my beginning blogs. I sit here in awe. God's Grace honestly leaves me speechless. Some of those days I don't remember, maybe I was (and am) still to tired to remember, maybe my brain is blocking it out. I was nervous to write down this journey and share it with you all, I was an emotional mess back then, the fear was overwhelming, I didn't know how far we would come, or how boring it might be for you all to read it. But I did it, mostly for selfish reasons, I needed you all to pray for us, and you did just that. You covered us in prayer. That my friends is truly what held me up, and why we are where we are today. Prayer, and God's healing mercies.
No longer fits!
FPIES stretched me, and grew me in ways that I never imagined. It brought me to Holy ground, as that was the only place I could fall, and fall I did. Many, many times, each time to be picked up with a new little sign that healing was taking place in my little boy's body.
Last January I came to you, over the world wide web, and asked you to join me in praying for 5 things that Levi would be able to eat before he turned 2. Five things in 2 short months. It seemed impossible to me. Impossible was where I was at last January, a time when fear was beating at my door everyday, and "darkness felt like winning" but yet,
I think I can say that I am VERY close to 1000 sleepless nights, and that I have witnessed the healing in the tears.2013, is different. I can feel it in my soul. I am beginning it with joy, dreams of vacations, and making beautiful memories with my family. We are beginning it with a little boy who is eating andwho's iron levels are no longer a HUGE concern. He is talking and laughing more, and doing more "normal" 2 and half year old things, like bugging his big brother and sister. We are entering a whole new stage of life. It has been a bit of a blur, these FPIES years. I am happy that I have written down our journey, so that I may always look back and see where God literally carried me through. I will always count it a blessing to have witnessed this amount of His immeasurable love. But that is that. FPIES is no longer in our house, don't get me wrong, we still have issues with food, but they are not all consuming. Levi has a LONG, beautifulmenu. This is our new family theme song.....
We are leaving FPIES in 2012, we will continue to kick it in the butt for the rest of our days, as a gift from our Heavenly Father. This past year I have "Found Peace."
