truths.... its a little long, but it has an amazing ending!

I know I wrote "FPIES over and out" back in January.  It was kind of a way of letting myself out of blogging, as it isn't something I truly enjoy.  I also wrote it because it was true.  Sort of.  Back in January I knew we would never see another FPIES reaction that would land us in the ER again.  I didn't fear another hospital visit, or another shock reaction ever.  But we still saw "stuff".   The mucous stuff, that gave us a horrible cough.  The waking up a lot in the night stuff.  The really loose diaper stuff.  You know the stuff that people would think you were crazy to mention.  The stuff that every FPIES mama completely understands.  The fear of pushing through the stuff and making it worse.... cause it can get worse, and really quickly, and then all the work you just poured into those months seemed to be washed away and you would have to start all over again.  That stuff.  The stuff that makes you feel kind of crazy.   Truth be told.  Even with how far we had come in a year, I still wasn't brave.  Food still consumed me.   I would never take Levi to a play group, because it would break my heart that he couldn't eat whatever every other little kid was eating.  Especially when he would look at me with those eyes and say "Me?" and I would gently say, not today, some day when your tummy is all better...... deep down thinking I'm not sure you'll ever be able to eat those things.  Truth be told, FPIES was still very much of our everyday life.

Truth be told, I took more food to Florida, then I took clothes, because I could buy clothes easier than I could buy food.  I also took, his frying pan, his frying pan flipper, and his vitamix (a really expensive blender).  Levi had all of his own kitchen utensils.  I cooked for 3 weeks non stop, before we left so that we had enough, of "Levi's food".   All of his "cookies, muffins, and pancakes" were made from the same ingredients.  We just called them different things, so it felt like he could eat some of the same things we were eating.  We travelled with doctors notes.

Truth be told I was still very happy with were we were.  It felt awesome.  We felt normal.  We went on a family holiday out of the country!!!  Away from all of our doctors that knew us.  Because Levi was healthy!!  It was joy.  Pure joy.  I was a little nervous, had to talk myself out of a few minor panic attacks, and he was awesome.  It was fun. And did I mention joy?!?!?

I now imagine God was smiling in heaven, and saying "Jocelyn, if you think this is joy, then you haven't seen ANYTHING yet."   I also imagined He laughed, and maybe even a lot.    When I came home from Florida, I got some really crazy emails.  Little babies who were just starting the GAPS diet, because they too were as sick as Levi.  Some still only eating one or two things.   They were HEALED.  Supernaturally healed.  Miracle healed.  Now before you quit reading, please stick around.  I wasn't really into "healers".  Honestly I still don't understand everything about healing.  I was very skeptical.  I did know one thing......  I knew that even if I had a "healer" pray for Levi,  I would NEVER be brave enough to just start feeding him.  EVER.  That honestly blew me out of the water.  I was in AWE of those mamas.  I dropped them a few notes, and asked them just that.  They asked me to connect with Pastor G.  I still wasn't so sure, so I asked them to pray for me.  They gave Pastor G my email address.  What happened next has changed our lives.  Our faith has been blown out of the water.  Pastor G wrote me a note that asked me to read the book of Mark and to pray for a "child like faith".  To pray Mark 9:24 "I do believe, but help me not to doubt".  Because I had a lot of it.  Doubt.  and Fear.  I still can struggle with them.  He asked us to fast and pray.  So we did that.  It was a very emotional few days for me.  I was exhausted.  I was nervous.  I didn't want to tell anyone, for fear that they would think I was crazy.  Maybe I am.  All I know is that I am crazy happy.  We talked with Pastor G.  (He is really nice, and normal!!) We studied the word together. The Bible has become more real to me than it ever has before.  A love letter written just for me.  And you.  Filled with promises that He never breaks.  Every ugly thing that God changes to beautiful, He is the only one able to do just that.  Take something that is ugly, painful, and turn it into something breathtaking.

Levi is healed.  No joke. In the last week we have offered him one thing after another.  Peanut Butter.  Strawberry Jam.  Almond flour Chocolate Chip cookies.  Bacon..... from a farm I DIDN'T source!!!  Yogurt.  Butter. Cheese.  Goat Milk.  Watermelon. Strawberries.  MANY other things.  Oh yeah and APPLES, Apple Sauce..... remember them?  Hospital stay.  5 days.   Homemade Oatmeal Muffins?!?! Oats had us in the ER and then rushed to another hospital.  Rice.  Another ER trip.  ALL OF THOSE THINGS He is eating.  Everyday.  I could also tell you how he has given up napping in the day, his energy has increased.  His laughter is often.  When we ask him who healed his belly he answers with "Amen".  He knows.  He knew before we even prayed with Pastor G.  He would bring me food, and point to his belly and say "Ya....Me".   God is real.  He loves you.  No... adores you.  He wants all of those "chains that weigh you down" and He wants to break them.   He wants you to live in His FREEDOM.  Glorious Freedom.   He already looks at you as perfect and whole.  He already paid the price for everything on that Beautiful Scandalous Night.  "He was wounded for our rebellious acts.  He was crushed for our sins.  He was punished so that we could have peace, and we received healing from his wounds.  Isaiah 53:5

Truth be told.  I am still in awe, maybe I always will be. We have been blessed with a huge MIRACLE.    I still can be swamped with doubt, but it is leaving everyday.  Jesus' name is Holy.  It is powerful.  It is a name I love.

"Woman", Jesus said to her, "your faith is great.  Your request is granted." And her daughter was instantly healed.  Matthew 16:28

Give Thanks to the Lord, for He is good!  His faithful love endures forever.  Psalm 118:29